Burnout: Why It’s So Hard to Look After Ourselves When We Need It Most
Burnout is so much more than the buzzword it’s become. Now recognised as a syndrome (but not a medical condition) associated with workplace stress, the World Health Organisation characterises it by exhaustion, feelings of negativity or cynicism and reduced productivity.
But of course, it’s not just workplace stress that causes burnout. And the WHO’s definition doesn’t reflect the debilitating state of physical, mental, and emotional exhaustion that can leave us feeling stuck and unable to care for ourselves in the most basic of ways.
We are also given a multitude of ways to avoid or prevent burnout which, for the people who go through repeated cycles, can be very disheartening. Not to say that there aren’t things we can do to reduce its occurrence, but it’s often not as easy as is implied. Because neurodivergent burnout is a very unique and extra challenging experience.
If you’re neurodivergent, you might well be very familiar with the all encompassing exhaustion burnout brings. But you also might not. Whilst the risk of burnout is more common with neurodivergence, it’s not always obvious. There can be a level of being accustomed to feeling overwhelmed and exhausted so to a certain extent, you ignore, or miss the signs (until you crash hard that is). But it’s also important to know that the traditional (AKA neurotypical) signs of burnout can present differently. And this is why traditional approaches to avoiding burnout just don’t work.
So, why does burnout have such a profound impact on our ability to take care of ourselves? Let’s explore what contributes to neurodivergent burnout. Then we’ll be in a better position to understand why it’s not always avoidable but there are things we can do…especially when it comes to food and nourishment.
Understanding Burnout: The Cycle That Keeps Us Stuck
Whether it’s the impact of trying to keep up with social norms, people-pleasing or perfectionism, many of us feel like we have to keep going.
When burnout hits, it’s not just a matter of feeling tired. It can affect every aspect of your functioning. Here are some examples:
Increased Sensory Sensitivity: Sounds, lights, and textures might feel overwhelming and irritating. Sensory overload can be hugely distracting and exacerbate mood swings. The resources you use to cope, further add to feelings of depletion so eating and drinking can feel just too overwhelming and demanding.
Decision Paralysis: Everyday decisions like what to eat or how to spend your time can feel impossible. You might find yourself stuck, unable to make any choice at all.
Physical Symptoms: Headaches, muscle tension, gut issues and problems sleeping caused by anxiety and depletion, can further impact executive function challenges, mood and your ability to help yourself.
Mood Dysregulation: You might withdraw from others and feel guilt / shame about not being able to do more / be more. Looking after yourself can seem a monumental task, especially if you have to look after others too. Please remember you deserve rest and care too.
Why Burnout Makes Eating So Difficult
You might feel guilty for not preparing “proper” meals or for relying on convenience foods, even though those choices are a lifeline when you’re burnt out.
For many, burnout goes hand in hand with challenges around eating. It’s common to experience:
Loss of Appetite or Interest in Food: You might feel less hungry, the thought of food makes you shudder or the idea of having to physically go get something to eat is a monumental effort.
Low interoception: Noticing hunger is a common challenge for many ND folks. You might also not know how to interpret your hunger signs. You might not feel the urge to act (particularly if in hyper focus or experiencing inertia). Then you need to select and execute the right action, so if executive functioning is not working well for you this is another potential barrier.
Struggles with Executive Function: It’s easy to underestimate the amount of energy needed to organise your thoughts, sustain attention, plan out tasks and execute them. This is why grocery shopping and cooking can feel draining at the best of times. Because you have to make a plan, shift from task to task, and remember information. And if it’s busy….(!) Having low or zero reserves can mean your brain decides it’s just not worth the effort - this is not laziness but an attempt at self preservation.
Guilt and Shame: You might feel guilty for not preparing “proper” meals or for relying on convenience foods, even though those choices are a lifeline when you’re burnt out.
Withdrawing: When things feel to much, it makes sense for your body to step back. This may result in shutdown and selective mutism which makes asking for help more difficult.
Can you see the spiral? The more burnt out you are, the harder it becomes to nourish yourself, which then exacerbates your burnout. It’s no wonder so many people feel stuck and hopeless in these moments.
The Importance of Personal Responsibility (And Why It’s Not Easy)
There’s a lot of emphasis on self-care and personal responsibility in wellness culture. Let’s face it, there are gadgets to track and supposedly “perfect” every aspect of our health. The pressure to optimise everything is pretty ridiculous, no wonder self-care can feel like an impossible task when deep in burnout.
Society also tells us that if we’re not busy, our lives must be boring or incomplete. Productivity culture has taught us we are wasting time if we’re not being productive, so we can end up feeling guilty resting, having FOMO if we don’t follow the crowd or knackered if we do!
When in burn out, your brain isn’t wired to recognise the need to pull back. Instead, it remains interest-led, seeking out immediate gratification rather than long-term relief. Doing what is expected can feel easier than not, because less explanation is required. Taking off your mask might not feel safe. It’s no wonder that saying “no” feels so challenging - it goes against everything we’ve been conditioned to believe.
Practical, Realistic Strategies for Self-Care During Burnout
When you’re burnt out, conventional self-care advice like “just rest more” or “eat healthier” doesn’t hit the spot. Instead, you need strategies that are more compassionate and aligned with your needs. Here are a few tips that might help:
Build a Support Network: You don’t need a long list of friends. Do you have a safe / trusted person you can reach out to for help when you need it? It could be asking a friend to pick up some shopping or come and eat with you. Or finding a professional who understands your needs. Having support in place can make a huge difference. As much as asking for help can feel incredibly awkward, it’s worth practising.
Create a ‘Looking After Myself’ Plan: This doesn’t need to be complicated: some reminders of your triggers and who to contact. A very basic routine and some go-to snacks can be invaluable. The goal isn’t perfection - it’s about making things easier for yourself.
Embrace Convenience Foods Without Guilt: There are no rules that dictate what a meal should be or look like. Ready meals, random left overs or what your emotionsare asking for, might well be what gets you through. The key is to challenge the narrative that you “should” be able to do more or differently..
Check in on your spoons: Spoon theory is a metaphor for quantifying how much energy different tasks use. It’s to help us prioritise and manage our physical and mental energy. Because neurodivergent burnout is not just any burnout, we may need more specific spoons. This is a great blog that introduces the Neurodivergent Spoon Draw - because our energy isn't distributed equally between the things we do.
Be mindful of rushing recovery. I know from experience how tempting it is to use any energy we find, as soon as it comes back. And I also know that doing this prolongs our recovery. Learning how to be patient (yes I know!) and to pace ourselves is an invaluable skill that will aid longer term recovery.
Moving Forward with Compassion and Realism
It’s time we challenge the narrative that burnout can simply be overcome with more willpower or by following generic self-care advice. Burnout is complex, especially for those who are neurodivergent, and it requires a compassionate, realistic approach.
If you’re caught in a cycle of burnout and struggling to look after yourself, remember that you’re not alone. It’s okay to feel overwhelmed. It’s okay to rely on convenience foods. And it’s okay to need support.
The goal isn’t to “fix” yourself or to magically bounce back - it’s to give yourself permission to care for yourself in the ways that are accessible right now.
Looking for more support?
I am hosting a LIVE workshop to dive deeper into burnout and its impact on our eating habits. It will be a space for compassionate exploration, practical tips, and realistic strategies that meet you where you are.